Do you have serious doubts that you will ever experience love, trust and peace again after your spouse most spouse cheat cheated? Infidelity is one of the most selfish acts of betrayal that your spouse could have chosen to do.
Marriage, as you well know, has its ups and downs. There are struggles with communication, commitment, finances, bringing up the kids and making time for each other. But nothing compares to the heart breaking news of a spouse who has decided to have an affair.
Does It Matter How Your Spouse Cheated?
Well, it does matter because how you deal with it depends on your level of acceptance or as some view it, your tolerance for pain. Because make no mistake about it, infidelity is painful and how long it last or how quickly you recover, mainly depends on you.
Once a spouse has committed adultery, there is an immediate vacuum created in the marriage. It’s like everything that was is no more. The past, present and future become one big blur. The quest for answers to many questions begins, such as;
- Who did my spouse cheat with?
- Is the affair over now?
- Is this the only act of unfaithfulness?
- Why did he or she cheat on me?
- Is my spouse in love with this other person?
- Who else knows that my spouse has been cheating?
- Should I leave or stay?
- Will I ever be able to trust and love again?
- Can our marriage survive this horrific event?
- Where do I turn for help?
If you are the one who was cheated on, the one who cheated or just a concerned friend trying to help someone through this, you know there are many more questions being wrestled with. No other marriage problem brings with it so many heart and trust issues. The only other marriage problem that comes close is when there is a lack of intimacy in the marriage. Both of these problems are so difficult because they are intertwined with the physical and emotional aspects of your relationship and well-being.
Why Did Your Spouse Cheat On You?
I will be honest and say that only you and your spouse can answer that question. If I had the privilege of sitting down with you and your spouse I think it would take a couple of minutes to get a sense of why he or she cheated. This of course would depend on both of you being honest. Being honest, even in the midst of dealing with infidelity is difficult.
To get to the root of why your spouse cheated you need to create an environment where you and your spouse are on the same page. You need to get to the point where you have control of your emotions like anger, rage and bitterness and your cheating spouse needs to feel comfortable being honest.
Once you do set the right tone, the reason why your spouse cheated will quickly be understood. Then the restoration can truly begin.
Is There Any Hope For Your Marriage After Cheating?
I think your marriage can be saved and it doesn’t have to be filled with pain, grief, remorse and regret. If you are of the mindset, “Can our marriage hang on or survive”, please change your outlook now. You should not be striving for just hanging on by a thread. Your marriage won’t last if it is hanging on. Infidelity is too heavy and your thread will break.
Your marriage can be restored, despite your spouse’s poor choice to cheat and guess what? You can laugh again, be intimate again and love and trust again.
What you need to do is put together some steps to rebuild your relationship. Don’t rely on your emotions and instincts to fix your broken heart and relationship. I encourage you to do some soul-searching and figure out what you need to have a healthy and happy marriage again, put together what you need to have happen i.e., a needs list and what obstacles you must remove to make it all work.